Think about remarkably successful people. They're logical.
They're rational. In the face of crisis or danger or even gross incompetence,
they remain steely-eyed, focused, and on point.
They don't get angry -- or at the very least they don't show
their anger.
Unless they happen to be Steve Jobs. Or Jeff Bezos. Or Bill
Gates. Or Larry Ellison. Or...
Most of us were taught that the only way to lead effectively
is to eliminate, or at the very least swallow and hide, emotions like anger and
frustration. Go professional or go home, right?
Wrong.
According to research conducted by Henry Evans and Colm
Foster, emotional intelligence experts and authors of Step Up: Lead in Six
Moments That Matter, the highest performing people -- and highest performing
teams -- tap into and express their entire spectrum of emotions.
Which, when you think about it, makes sense: we all get
angry (even this guy must get angry once in a while) so why not take advantage
of that emotion?
Evans and Foster say anger is actually useful when harnessed
and controlled because it fosters two useful behavioral capabilities.
Anger creates focus. Get mad and you tend to focus on one
thing -- the source of your anger. You don't get distracted. You're not tempted
to multitask. All you can see is what's in front of you. That degree of focus
can be extremely powerful.
Anger generates confidence. Get mad and the automatic rush
of adrenaline heightens your senses and reduces your inhibitions. Anger -- in
small, controlled doses -- can be the spark that gets you started.
But there's still one major problem with getting mad: it's
easy to say and do things you later regret. That's why the key to harnessing
anger is to find a way to stay smart and in control while you are angry.
Sound impossible? It's not. Here are two examples:
Get mad about an action, not a person. Say an employee makes
a mistake. Venting by saying, "How could you be so stupid?" may make
you feel better --for about 10 seconds -- but it certainly won't help.
Instead try saying, "You do a great job... but I'm
really struggling to understand why you did (that). Can we talk about it?"
Directing your frustration at the action and not the employee helps reduce his
or her feelings of defensiveness while still allowing you to express your
frustration--which will help you both focus on solving the problem.
Use anger to overcome anxiety or fear. When we're nervous or
scared we often later regret what we did not say.
Say you're mad because a supplier didn't come through, but
you're afraid to say anything for fear of damaging a long-term business
relationship. Don't hide from your fear or your anger. Accept that you're mad.
Show, at least to a limited degree, that you're mad.
When you do, the rush of adrenaline will help move you out
of the fear zone and into the sweet spot where you're excited and passionate
and motivated -- but not unreasonable or irrational.
Just Make Sure You Start Small
Most people hold on to feelings of anger too long. Their
feelings build and build until they can no longer control themselves and then
they explode. Totally losing your cool is counterproductive at best and
incredibly damaging at worst. The key is to slowly and steadily allow yourself
to express lower levels of anger, working up from irritation, then to
frustration, then finally to anger.
Step one: when you feel irritated, don't swallow those
feelings. Think about how you feel. Think about why you feel the way you feel.
Then work with how you feel. Say what you need to say, letting a little of your
irritation show through. You won't have to worry about losing your cool
because, after all, you aren't angry -- you're just irritated.
Then you can move up to the next level, expressing frustration.
As you do, stay focused on how you feel. Ask yourself whether you're using your
frustration as a weapon or as a tool.
Then move up to the final level, expressing anger. Again,
step outside yourself as you do. Are you in charge of your anger and actions,
or is anger in charge of you?
In time, as you learn to control and harness your feelings,
you will be able to get well and truly pissed off and still handle yourself in
an appropriate and productive way.
Anger is Authentic -- and So Are Great Leaders
Great leaders are genuine and authentic. That's why we
follow them.
Want to be a great leader? Stop trying to hide negative
emotions. (Besides, the chances you can successfully hide how you're feeling
are slim. You may be angry and think you're hiding it... but you're not. Your
employees know.)
So don't pretend. Express the way you feel, but in a
controlled and harnessed way.
"As we say to our clients," write Foster and
Evans, "don't pretend. Be upset, but be intelligent while you're
upset." That way you sustain your professional relationships as you work
through challenges. That way you can be your authentic self -- in a higher
state of being.
Say you lose a major contract to a competitor you and your
team didn't take seriously. Don't be afraid, in the months that follow, to
bring your team back to that moment. If you're frustrated with your team's
current performance don't be afraid to say, "Let's think back to that day.
Remember what happened when those [jerks] took that contract. Remember how we
all felt. Remember the letter they wrote us canceling our contract. Every time
I read it I get mad. So let's make sure it never happens again."
Expressing your feelings not only helps you stay focused, it
can help your team stay focused -- and serve as a powerful reminder that
sometimes business cannot not be business as usual.
Now it's your turn: as a leader, do you think showing a
little frustration or even anger can result in positive outcomes?
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